Life Lessons That Carry Me Forward

The Autumn series mirrors my own growth—a time to honor the vibrant path behind me. This season asks me to loosen my grip—on the loss of my mother’s physical presence, on old roles—and lean into the quiet courage of letting go, one small leaf at a time. In these yarns, I’m learning to trust what my mother planted in me and to find a quiet, tender beauty in beginning my next season.

Why This Matters

This story matters because it shows how a lifetime of “small lessons” can become a kind of Autumn majesty. Like a leaf finally letting go, or a yarn slowly coiled into rich color, my mother’s expectations about friendship, education, and independence now usher me in my own Autumn. Remembering them helps me trust that even as roles fall away, the shape she helped form in me remains.

Most importantly, my mother Shirley (SJP) taught us to treat others as we hoped to be treated. That lesson stuck and shaped every part of my decision‑making in professional leadership, motherhood, marriage, and friendship.

Many of her “SJP life lessons” were simple on the surface, but she made them memorable by setting clear expectations, offering guidance, and then helping me learn from my own choices.

A Measurement of Success

Shirley often said, “I will consider myself a successful mother if my kids want to be my friend after age 25.” She knew that raising children would include hard moments and maybe even hard years. For her, the real test came later: if, as adults, we still wanted to be near her and spend time with her, then she had done her job. We did. We loved being with our mother. Shirley became my best friend—the person I chose when I wanted to relax and enjoy our shared interests.

Strength of Character

Shirley firmly believed that girls and women must be equipped to take care of themselves. Strength of character—not beauty, not popularity—was the key to a good life. She expected all of us to bloom and grow far beyond high school. Reaching our potential would be a lifelong progression, even though each Peel sibling’s path would look very different.

You Can Handle This - "If it doesn't Kill you it will make you Stronger"

Once Shirley became a working wife, mother, and college student, her dance card was full. The statement “I don’t do ‘mother things’” was heard often. She made it clear she was not a Girl Scout leader or cookie mom, did not attend PTA meetings, and did not volunteer for extra‑curricular activities. She did show up for concerts, parent‑teacher meetings, and school performances. But we were encouraged to take responsibility for the activities we chose.

She had grown up during the Depression and World War II. By age seven, she was expected to lead her siblings through the woods and over the railroad tracks to get to the pool, deliver eggs, and go to the grocery store. So as children, we were expected to get ourselves to activities safely, take part, and get home safely on our own.

Did it work for me? I was a Girl Scout for ten years. In ninth grade, I received the First Class pin, the highest Girl Scout award for Cadettes.

Priorities: Prepare Yourself, Support Yourself

"I will pay for your wedding or your college… and I will be paying for college.”

My attending college was never in doubt. Shirley believed in advanced education and in a woman’s need to be prepared for financial independence. Early on, she taught my sister and me that a woman must be able to take care of herself and her children—with or without a husband or partner.

She viewed early marriages (before 25 or 30) as risky, because people often mature and grow apart. And she certainly saw spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding dress and reception as a waste. Paying for college was the priority, not paying for a wedding.

Her lessons were rooted in her own reality. After 23 years of marriage, my parents divorced. During her years at the University of Michigan–Dearborn, she was surrounded by, and drawn to, women in similar situations—mid‑life, with teenage children, divorcing while earning advanced degrees. Unlike our father, many of their ex‑husbands were not freely providing financial support. Shirley wanted all of her kids to be self‑reliant. She stressed keeping our finances separate while still being supportive partners.

Lessons that Carried Me Forward

• Make mature life choices because you want to, not because you have to.

• Know who you are; know who your partner is.

• Don’t try to fix someone—or stay with someone who wants to fix you.

• Be financially independent; it makes your life choices much less complex.

A Reflection in Autumn

Now, in the autumn of my life, I find myself looking both back and forward—at life with Shirley and life without her. These are only a few of the lessons that carried me through my tumultuous twenties, motherhood in my thirties and forties, the rebirth of my career in my fifties, and the marriage and soft sunset of my career in my sixties. And the explosion of creativity in the past two years. Like the multifaceted yarns in my work Autumn, Shirley is still coiled into my choices and my movement forward—quiet, steady, and very much present in this season of letting go.